My Best Friend

Saying goodbye is something that no one likes to do.  Most people don't get a chance to say their goodbyes and are left with regrets and lots of words unsaid. I fortunately get to say my goodbyes to my best friend.  My best friend has chronic kidney failure.  I thought that it was something he was going to recover from but no matter how many prayers I've said or tears I've cried there is no getting around the fact that in a year he will no longer be by my side.

Odis has been my faithful companion for over 8 years.  A tiny, scared little kitten, I brought him home wrapped in a towel.  From the moment I laid eyes on him we were bonded.  The very first night he slept curled up on my shoulder trying to get as close to me as possible.  We've been that close ever since.

A near death scare made our bond even stronger.  As a tiny kitten Odis became very ill and spent almost a week in the vet's.  My free cat had now become an investment cat! But I loved him to bits and didn't care.

Odis began greeting me everyday I came home from school and continues to greet me the same way.  He will be sitting at the door that I enter and I will pick him up and he will nuzzle me.  I think he is trying to tell me he missed me!

I've never seen an animal be so in tune with my emotions.  If I'm upset, I don't need to do a thing-he just senses my emotions and gives me the love I need.  If I'm crying, he will be right next to me sniffing my head and giving me air kisses in my ear.

Odis has moved 5 times with me and has been a champ through all 5 of them.  The biggest move-11 hours in a car.  My baby did great with the help of some sedatives. 

He's killed countless spiders for me, warmed me when I was cold, comforted me when I have cried, made me laugh and smile when I was sad.  And I can't do a damn thing for him now.

When he became ill and I sat with him in the vets for hours. He kept looking at me with his huge green eyes wondering why he was being poked and prodded.  But when I burst into tears when I was told he had kidney failure, he forgot it all and comforted me.

Last week we were told his kidney failure is terminal--there is no telling how long.  For now he remains good.  I am doing everything I can, but knowing that it's not enough is crushing.  I am cherishing every second I get with my special boy.

I dread the night that I go to sleep and he is not there on my pillow. I don't know how I can bear it.  To some people he is just a cat, but he is my best friend.  I can take comfort in the fact that I gave this cat the best life possible and loved him unconditionally, but to know I couldn't save him will always hurt.

I love you Odis!

Love and such

I've been quite hesitant to post too personally here.  You open yourself up to a whole host of criticisms when you do so.  But after turning 30, I sort of have an "I don't give a fuck" mentality.  If you don't like what I have to say, too bad, I am confident enough in myself to not care what you think.

I am in the midst of the best love story that any writer could ever dream up.  I won't delve into the past--you know it, I know it, it's done.  I have truly found the one whom my soul adores.  Looking back, I can't believe I settled for less, but I guess you don't know what you're missing if you don't have it.

As a writer, I find it impossible to put into words my feelings for this man.  It's bigger than anything I've ever known, it's beautiful and frightening, it's absolutely tying my tongue into knots-it's everything and nothing all at the same time.  There is no one word to describe everything that I feel.  But he knows.  Because his feelings mirror my own, and if you are truly with the one you should be with, you know it as well.

This life we lead together is amazing.  I've never laughed so much in my life.  From the moment we wake there is smiling, laughter, goofiness, and this extreme affection for each other.  Never have I gave so selflessly to another without wanting a single thing in return.  Who knew I would be perfectly happy to make his lunches, fold his laundry, and cook his dinners?  And yet, it's so much more than that.

Even apart, we are very  much together.  As two extremely independent people we live our separate lives, but there is so much togetherness in the separation.  I can't speak for him, but apart I cannot wait until I am in his arms again.  I think I would be perfectly content to never see another person again but him.

There is such a perfect synchronicity in our whole love story.  The timing was just so that if I had turned a second too fast or too late this never would have come to fruition.  These people that we are have helped write the pages of this novel.  Had I not suffered and overcame there would be no us.  Had he not longed and looked there would be no us.

If there is such a thing as perfection, this is it.  To be so in sync with another is divine.  He is my soul.  He is my heart.  I was put on this earth to find him.  Just as Eve was made of Adam's rib, I was made of his.  I believe every person on this earth was created with another person.  God puts them on opposite ends of the Earth, and if they are truly blessed they will once again find each other.  We are blessed.  We cherish everyday together and nothing is taken for granted.  We continually show our appreciation for each other.

Who knows where this road we travel will go, but if we go together, everything will be fine.