Alone
Swallowing my pride
I admit defeat
(as a Taurus, that's rare!)
Sweaty fingers release you
to another.
Long nights, shadows and booze
my only friends.
Pleas from slurred lips
tears from blurry eyes
shame me.
The mirror is a stranger
skinny woman--sad eyes
too young to be so haunted.
Dawn breaks, angels sing
(at least that's how it felt!)
An epiphany, my old, tired skin
balled up--thrown away
Not a Phoenix moment
(I'll never go down again!)
Flames lick their greedy tongues
on old memories
now dead.
My soul regenerates.
Better than before.
Compassion, patience, true happiness
unknown qualities
exude from me
like beams of light.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Unrequited Love
Unrequited Love
Longing
reverberates like a guitar's string.
An echo in a canyon.
Wanting becomes a thirst
that cannot be satiated.
A blaze
barrels through veins.
Unrequited
the word like sand
on teeth.
Eyes beg, plead.
A heart to beat
in rhythm to another.
Silence envelopes them
like death
and lips remain silent.
Breaking the gaze and a heart --
as he turns away.
Longing
reverberates like a guitar's string.
An echo in a canyon.
Wanting becomes a thirst
that cannot be satiated.
A blaze
barrels through veins.
Unrequited
the word like sand
on teeth.
Eyes beg, plead.
A heart to beat
in rhythm to another.
Silence envelopes them
like death
and lips remain silent.
Breaking the gaze and a heart --
as he turns away.
Perfection
Perfection
Perfection slips
like a mouse through cat's paws
with it a shard
of feeling.
Unusual--
Unusually perfect?
Quickly the mortar shows cracks
I can breathe again.
For a minute, a moment
I got lost in you
but with a sharp look
I saw the imperfections.
My free fall has ceased
I hang precariously on the ledge,
as perfection flutters away.
Perfection slips
like a mouse through cat's paws
with it a shard
of feeling.
Unusual--
Unusually perfect?
Quickly the mortar shows cracks
I can breathe again.
For a minute, a moment
I got lost in you
but with a sharp look
I saw the imperfections.
My free fall has ceased
I hang precariously on the ledge,
as perfection flutters away.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Insomnia...
I've never been a good sleeper. A true night owl, I stay up till the wee hours of the morning turning the pages of a great novel, these days its more like flipping the "page" on my Kindle, but I digress. Since I can remember I just wasn't one of those people who laid down and fell asleep. I would count sheep, then ducks, then cats and soon I had a farm. My mind would run off to unknown places and the next thing I know I am up writing lists, searching recipes, or whatever else I was thinking of. I had a brief affair with Lunesta, but sleeping pills affected me in weird ways. I have just come to terms with the fact that I am a bad sleeper, but have turned into one hell of a napper.
It's a good time as any to write a blog post and seeing as how I am on month 2 of unemployment it's time to update everyone on this long and seemingly endless search for a job. After 2 months I've had one interview and countless "no's". It is very frustrating, but what can a girl do but keep on moving forward even if it feels like I am on a challenge in Survivor going through mud. I find myself with another interview coming Monday and I am hopeful, but always cautious to not get too hopeful lest I receive another rejection. But I know something is around the corner and I just keep the faith since that's all I can really do.
After 2 months of unemployment I am finding the only part I like of it is sleeping in (going back to the bad sleeper thing). No matter how hard I try, my cats do not talk back! And I think they are getting annoyed with me talking to them. The house is cleaner than it's ever been and I have read like a mad woman. I have picked up the guitar again and am learning a lot and making good progress. I even started playing flute again. Something I always loved and put down for many years. But in all that, I need a job. I want something to make me feel like I am contributing to society and to my bank account. I want to sit in an office and do work (I know weird, right?).
Until then, I remain your wide-awake, every hopeful, job seeker.
It's a good time as any to write a blog post and seeing as how I am on month 2 of unemployment it's time to update everyone on this long and seemingly endless search for a job. After 2 months I've had one interview and countless "no's". It is very frustrating, but what can a girl do but keep on moving forward even if it feels like I am on a challenge in Survivor going through mud. I find myself with another interview coming Monday and I am hopeful, but always cautious to not get too hopeful lest I receive another rejection. But I know something is around the corner and I just keep the faith since that's all I can really do.
After 2 months of unemployment I am finding the only part I like of it is sleeping in (going back to the bad sleeper thing). No matter how hard I try, my cats do not talk back! And I think they are getting annoyed with me talking to them. The house is cleaner than it's ever been and I have read like a mad woman. I have picked up the guitar again and am learning a lot and making good progress. I even started playing flute again. Something I always loved and put down for many years. But in all that, I need a job. I want something to make me feel like I am contributing to society and to my bank account. I want to sit in an office and do work (I know weird, right?).
Until then, I remain your wide-awake, every hopeful, job seeker.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Searching continues
Well, I am back to the drawing board again! I didn't get the job I so desperately wanted. I'm very surprised as I felt both my interviews went fantastic. Not sure what went wrong, and of course they will never tell you, but if I was a betting person I would bet that they hired someone they knew.
So my fingers are once again hitting the keyboard searching for the elusive job. Every opportunity out there seems so dull compared to the last one and it's really frustrating. I find myself getting upset and almost throwing in the towel sometimes, but then I have to remind myself that things could be worse. I am getting the most sleep I have ever gotten, my house is spotless, thanks to all the gym time my body is rocking, and I am slowly but surely teaching myself the guitar.
Until next time folks!
So my fingers are once again hitting the keyboard searching for the elusive job. Every opportunity out there seems so dull compared to the last one and it's really frustrating. I find myself getting upset and almost throwing in the towel sometimes, but then I have to remind myself that things could be worse. I am getting the most sleep I have ever gotten, my house is spotless, thanks to all the gym time my body is rocking, and I am slowly but surely teaching myself the guitar.
Until next time folks!
Monday, September 3, 2012
Day One of LiveFit
Steve and I have survived our first day of Jamie Eason's LiveFit. I won't blog every day, but once in a while to keep you in the loop. The weight exercise for the day was fine. Definitely burnt out my chest and tricep muscles. Steve overdid it and could barely finish the 12 reps. He thinks there is no way we should be doing biceps tomorrow that we should either be doing legs or a day off.
The eating is insane. I couldn't eat everything on my daily schedule. I only ate the eggs for the breakfast as I was too full for anything else. I didn't finish all my dinner either. We had fish and vegetables and sweet potato.
I feel extremely full and my arms are a little sore. Steve was hungry until dinner when he ate my leftovers!
All in all it wasn't hard eating clean or working out, hope the rest of the 12 weeks go this smoothly
The eating is insane. I couldn't eat everything on my daily schedule. I only ate the eggs for the breakfast as I was too full for anything else. I didn't finish all my dinner either. We had fish and vegetables and sweet potato.
I feel extremely full and my arms are a little sore. Steve was hungry until dinner when he ate my leftovers!
All in all it wasn't hard eating clean or working out, hope the rest of the 12 weeks go this smoothly
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